What is Integrated Attachment Theory™ (IAT) Coaching?
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Introduction & Overview:
Relationships and emotions are at the core of our human experience. The driving force behind our decisions, actions, and experiences, emotions influence every single facet of our lives, including our well-being, how we interact with others, our daily moods, and our long-term health. Understanding and healing our emotional wounds is crucial for creating healthy, interdependent relationships and achieving our goals in sustainable ways.
An Integrated Attachment Theory™ (IAT) coach guides you through exploring and transforming the deeply rooted subconscious patterns that drive your emotions and relationship dynamics. The ultimate goal is to work with you on a deep understanding of tools that will last you a lifetime, improving the quality of and fulfillment in your life.
An IAT coach helps you with all of the following and more:
Healing Emotional Wounds
Developing a Secure Attachment Style
Enhancing Emotional Regulation
Strengthening Boundaries
Transforming Subconscious Patterns
Fostering Interdependence
Improving Communication Skills
Cultivating Self-Empathy
Reconnecting with Authenticity
Empowering Emotional Resilience
Quick post outline:
Integrated Attachment Theory™ Overview
Integrated Attachment Theory™ Definitions
What is Integrated Attachment Theory™ Coaching?
Unlocking Your Potential
How Coaching Works
Benefits of Coaching
Why Choose Integrated Attachment Theory™ Coaching?
The Coaching Experience
Differentiating Coaching from Therapy
Coaching with Integrity
Choosing Your Coach
Conclusion
Integrated Attachment Theory™ Overview
Integrated Attachment Theory™ is trademarked work, pioneered by Thais Gibson of The Personal Development School, that overlaps the focus of traditional attachment styles with other key factors including:
1) Core wounds & Belief patterns
2) Needs & Relationship expectations
3) Emotional patterns
4) Relationship to boundaries
5) Communication patterns
6) Behavioral coping mechanisms
Integrated Attachment Theory™ Definitions:
1) Core wounds & Belief Patterns
The deepest level of negative/ limiting beliefs and fears we formed during our past experiences (early childhood and beyond) that shaped our worldview and sense of self. These stem from the meanings we give to situations that we could not properly emotionally process. We tend to personalize these situations, assuming they mean something about us. We begin to self-identify with these meanings at a subconscious level of mind and project them onto the present.
The majority of core wounds are formed from the ages of 0-2 years old because we were in a highly suggestible state (our brains were pumping alpha and theta brainwaves so we could learn from our environment and survive in the world. It is possible to pick up core wounds throughout life, especially when we are exposed to stimulus through repetition and emotion.
• Ex. If I am late to work, I will get fired —> I will not be able to pay my bills —> I am unsafe
There are about 21 core wounds. Different insecure attachment styles will have different combinations of wounds that are the most prevalent for them.
2) Needs & relationship expectations
Food, water, and air are the body’s survival needs. Relationships and a person’s personality also have needs that must be met at the most basic level in sustaining themselves.
Tony Robbins coined the six basic human needs. Thais Gibson refined these needs to the most common personality needs, which lead back to our basic human needs. These are the needs that we organize our personality around and what we are most driven towards in terms of our decisions, behavior, emotions, and feelings of connection with others. They allow us to thrive when they are met and when our needs are unmet we will have feedback in the form of painful emotions. Our subconscious mind highly values meeting our needs and will prioritize meeting them in the quickest ways possible, even if these ways are unhealthy. Creating healthy strategies to meet our needs can help us to feel fulfilled and thrive.
Our highest needs are driven by both the:
1.) Biggest voids in childhood
2.) Strategies with the most positive associations for meeting those needs
Examples of personality needs:
Approval, Comfort, Emotional Connection, Freedom, Personal Growth, etc…
Tony Robbins’ Six Basic Human Needs:
Growth - the desire to grow or expand in any area of life.
Contribution - the desire to give or serve.
Significance - the desire to feel recognized, important, and/or meaningful.
Uncertainty - the desire for change, novelty, and exploration.
Love and Connection - the desire to feel and express love and or closeness.
Certainty - the desire to feel safe and secure.
Relationship Expectations:
Our minds have been conditioned with ideas about how the world works through modeling, programming, and messaging from society so naturally, we project those beliefs onto our relationships and environments. Relationship expectations include all of these conditioned ideas and the needs and desires that we haven’t communicated. It may be unfamiliar/ outside of our comfort zone to be aware of or to communicate these expectations yet this is the best practice for thriving, lasting, healthy relationships.
3) Emotional patterns
The “positive” and “negative” emotions we feel most often are our emotional patterns.
Emotions are the sensations we feel in our bodies that help us understand how we react to our outside world. Think about embracing a friend in a long bear hug or anxiety at the thought of public speaking. Whether we are happy, sad, scared, angry, or excited, feelings can make us smile, cry, or feel warm inside.
Painful emotions serve as powerful feedback about unresolved issues or unmet needs, guiding us to address problems. Neuroscience has shown that all actions are driven by emotions. Our actions can both influence and be influenced by emotions since there is a strong link between our beliefs, thoughts, and actions.
Emotions are complex processes that involve the brain, the body, and the interactions between the two. They originate and are regulated in various brain regions including the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. The mind and body connection is linked through the nervous system, neurotransmitters and hormones, and daily bodily functions, all working together to help us respond to our environment and internal states.
Emotions also play a significant role in the formation, storage, and recall of memories. Emotions are intricately linked to the subconscious mind and influence our daily actions, reactions, behavioral patterns, and automatic decision-making.
4) Relationship to boundaries
Having boundaries means considering ourselves when making choices (ideally in the moment) and communicating where these things end and we begin. Boundaries allow us to show up as the best version of ourselves both in our life and our relationships. Healthy boundaries allow us to connect more deeply with others because we are communicating what feels comfortable to us, feel seen and heard when we show our true selves and feel we are being treated fairly.
Types of Boundaries:
Material Boundaries: Refer to your belongings, finances, and other physical assets. For instance, setting limits on sharing your clothes, personal items, or financial resources with others.
Mental Boundaries: Relate to your thoughts, values, and opinions. This involves maintaining your own perspectives without being overly influenced by others.
Emotional Boundaries: Focus on how much you allow others' emotions to impact you. For example, if a colleague is upset at work, you might drop everything to help them, which can lead to self-sacrificial behavior and potential codependency.
Physical Boundaries: Concern your physical space and body, including affection and intimacy. This includes maintaining comfort with personal space and deciding when and how to engage in physical contact.
Time Boundaries: Relate to how you allocate your time. For example, if a neighbor asks for your help on a day when you have other commitments, maintaining your time boundary means respectfully declining or rescheduling to protect your personal time.
To reflect on your boundaries…
1.) Consider a specific situation
2.) Ask yourself: “What amount of time and energy can I comfortably invest in this situation without it feeling like a sacrifice to me?"
5) Communication patterns
Communicating our relationship expectations, moment-to-moment needs (aka love languages) and our boundaries is crucial for getting on the same page with our loved ones. When we feel disempowered about speaking up, it is possible to work through the core wounds that are standing in our way and to incrementally practice healthy vulnerability with people who will receive our messages well.
In the absence of understanding and healthy vulnerability, we may build resentment toward others and use indirect methods to get our needs met, like withdrawing, passive aggressiveness, and criticism.
Conflict is a normal part of healthy relating, stemming from a perception of imbalance around things like time, space, and energy. It is how we communicate around conflict that can deepen our closest bonds. Proactively communicating with a regulated nervous system, focusing on the positive, prefacing the wounds of our loved ones, and having clarity around our personal experience and what we need creates harmonious and interdependent relationship dynamics.
6) Behavioral coping mechanisms
Behavioral coping mechanisms are the default strategies and behaviors we learned that would help us to meet our needs while handling stress. Often these coping mechanisms are unhealthy because they have been filtered through our core wounds and our mind works to get our needs met in the quickest way possible v.s. the healthiest way. It is possible to update our coping mechanisms to use healthier strategies.
What is Integrated Attachment Theory™ Coaching?
IAT coaching is a specialized mental wellness practice that encourages self-discovery and personal growth, empowering individuals to maximize their potential in many areas of life (relationships, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, and career). Through this process, clients transform their attachment style patterns, resolve emotional wounds, and nurture healthier relationships with themselves and others, leading to a more balanced and satisfying life.
Unlocking Your Potential:
Many view life as a series of challenges with unclear rules, where events often feel beyond their control. IAT coaching provides the essential "operating manual" to understand the invisible rules of your subconscious mind, allowing you to transform outdated beliefs and open pathways to a future aligned with your aspirations.
How Coaching Works:
Through empathy, acceptance, questioning, active listening, and kind communication, a certified IAT coach shows you to yourself, revealing the subconscious beliefs and emotions that drive your current actions and outcomes. An IAT coach will teach you how and when to use transformative tools and build your awareness so you can consciously choose empowering beliefs that align with your desired outcomes.
Benefits of Coaching:
Integrated Attachment Theory™ coaching supports you in…
Exploring your inner world
Cultivating harmony and joy
Creating and nurturing healthy relationships
Enhancing self-acceptance, empathy, and love
Working toward a clear vision of your personal and professional goals
Receiving the good in life
Accountability around your goals and healing work
Noticing and understanding your blindspots
Shifting towards a fair and balanced mindset
Why Choose Integrated Attachment Theory™ Coaching?
People seek IAT coaching when feeling stuck, looking for guidance about relationship dynamics, or desiring to achieve future goals. Whether it's enhancing confidence, improving career fulfillment, or personal development, coaching helps bridge the gap between current reality and desired outcomes by focusing on change at the subconscious level of mind. Our subconscious mind drives up to 97% of our actions, so aligning our conscious desires with subconscious principles is the most effective way to achieve our desired outcomes.
The Coaching Experience:
Every Certified Integrated Attachment Theory™ coach will have a different set of experiences and ways of running their practice.
I start with an in-depth assessment and questions to identify a client’s attachment style and limiting beliefs for deep self-awareness. I work with clients on goals in one or two areas of life at a time (out of seven: career, financial, mental, emotional, relationships, spiritual, and physical) for a focused approach. The subconscious-driven tools I guide clients through can be applied at any point in life.
During sessions, I facilitate reflective inquiry, guiding clients to uncover insights and clarity without imposing solutions. This process empowers clients to develop strategies that leverage their unique strengths and skills for success.
Differentiating Coaching from Therapy:
While coaching and therapy share similarities in providing support and fostering self-understanding, Integrated Attachment Theory™ coaching focuses on present and future-oriented growth. Unlike therapists who diagnose and treat mental health conditions, IAT coaches empower clients to enhance performance, develop skills, and achieve personal goals by tapping into your subconscious mind.
Coaching with Integrity:
Certified Integrated Attachment Theory™ coaches adhere to professional standards and ethics, ensuring a quality experience that respects client autonomy and goals. Whether through individual sessions or group coaching, the focus remains on empowering clients to make informed choices and achieve sustainable personal development.
Choosing Your Coach:
Finding the right coach involves aligning their expertise with your specific needs and goals. Whether you prefer one-on-one sessions or group settings, clarity and compatibility are key to a successful coaching partnership. Many coaches offer free consultation calls where you can ask questions and see if you are a good fit. Scheduling calls with a few coaches can help you get a sense of who might be a good coach for you.
If you've been looking for any of the following, an IAT coach can serve you in:
Becoming the best version of yourself
Taking action towards progress
Deep transformation
Getting unstuck
Feeling confident in who you are
Deep awareness of yourself and who you want to become
Greater fulfillment, clarity, and purpose
More peace, harmony, and joy
Types of Coaching Specialties:
Integrated Attachment Theory™ coaching covers various specialties…
Career coaching
Executive coaching
Corporate coaching
Coaching for the Anxious Preoccupied attachment style
Coaching for the Dismissive Avoidant attachment style
and more
Mind Jardin’s Coaching Specialties:
Coaching for the fearful avoidant attachment style
Dating and Relationship Coaching
Personal Styling, self-expression, and self-esteem coaching
Social anxiety coaching
Goal and dream attainment coaching
Divorce and Breakup Coaching
Life Transition coaching
Coaching for the secure attachment style who wants to understand individuals with insecure attachment styles
Each specialty offers tailored approaches to address specific client needs and goals, ensuring a customized coaching experience.
Conclusion:
Integrated Attachment Theory™ coaching offers a unique and impactful path to personal growth, guiding clients with practical, subconscious-driven tools so they can unlock their full potential and achieve a more fulfilling life.
Whether you're seeking to improve relationships, enhance self-love, or achieve significant goals, this coaching approach provides the tools and insights needed for lasting change.
Working with an IAT coach will require openness to new views of the world, feedback about how you’d like to communicate and what tools are working for you, and a commitment to being present in sessions. Investing in yourself and your future is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself.
If you are ready to level up your life, start looking for a coach to partner with so you can create the life changes you desire.
Interested in working with me?
Schedule a consultation with me today and take the first step towards greater clarity, purpose, and happiness.
References:
The Personal Development School
Tony Robbins
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